I am officially an auntie as of 8am 8/28/06. McKayla Nicole was born a few days ago. She was 21 inches long and 7 1/2 lbs. I'm a very proud auntie and I've already taken a shitload of pics of her. I stayed at the hospital from 7:30am monday until the nurse kicked me out at 9pm. I held peanut (my nickname for her) more than my sister did. I rushed to the hospital as soon as I got off work yesterday and today to spend more time with her.
As soon as Peanut was born I took a few pics of her with my cell then I texted everyone in my phone that has a cell. I didn't even pay attention to names and I still had Nick's number stored so he got the msg too. I hadn't talked to him since we broke up the second week of June. He started texting me right away and hasn't stopped since.
He wants us to hang out and party the weekend after next because this weekend is labor day and we both already have plans. I'm not sure it would be a good idea for us to see each other. He's trying to tell me how much he's changed: that he quit tweek, got a promotion at work and is making a lot more money, that he is wanting to settle down and have kids etc... Part of me wants to believe him, but logically I know it's too good to be true. How many people can change that many things about themselves in 2 1/2 months? Besides that, the main issue we had was sexual incompatibility, but he is even trying to tell me since he quit tweeking that his sex drive is high again, which may be true but sex drive is only 1/2 the equation. He's bad in bed too. Maybe I can train him... but do I really want to?
I have a lot of thinking to do before the weekend after next. I'd like to be friends with him. We always had fun when hanging out. He's cute, sweet, funny, generous, a good kisser, and a great cuddler. However, he has a lot of flaws too. Before we stopped seeing each other I wrote a pros and cons list. When I finished there was 2 dealbreakers: tweek and sexual incompatibility, but now he's trying to tell me those too factors have changed. Why did this have to happen when I was starting to meet new guys? Exes always rear their damn heads when I'm about to get into a relationship with someone new. I have such a fear of getting hurt and stuff that I tend to go back to the exes because I know what to expect, unlike when getting into a relationship with someone new.
Anyways, back to my sister and the baby. McKayla's daddy proposed to my sister yesterday at the hospital, which I witnessed. I still dislike him, but apparently the asshole is going to be family so I have to find some way to co-exist with him... despite the desire to strangle him lol. I love McKayla to death and I don't want to risk being exiled from her life because my dislike for her father. My sister is in love (aka dicknotized) and she is in the stage where she would choose her man over everyone else.
McKayla has awakened a yearning in my heart to have children. I had convinced myself that I didn't want kids and this new revelation has thrown me for a loop. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it. I need to straighten my ass out before I have kids, so I now have some motivation to fight the urges to harm myself and I want to get better. I refuse to bring a child in this world right now because I'm so fucked up emotionally. I refuse to be the kind of mother mine was/is.
Jess (my sister) is only 18 but she is settling down and just started a family. She has been lecturing me about needing to settle down. She throws it in my face that she is 9 years younger and has a baby and about to get married. At first I didn't give a damn. I'm not jealous of her life or anything, but I have been thinking about what she said alot. Maybe it is time for me to settle down... she keeps reminding me that my biological clock is ticking. Which makes it weirder that Nick is saying the same thing.
Here are some pics of my little Peanut